why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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