You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
