what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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