Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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