you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
