Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
