If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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