I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
honey bunches of taint.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
