I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
