any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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