Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
