My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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