i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
