bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
