people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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