Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
