okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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