Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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