I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
worst night to have a conscience
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
