you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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