cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
