worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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