You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
