I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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