When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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