Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
