well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
