So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's never too late to be topless.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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