Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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