Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
