I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
They have beer where we have blood.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Panties = found
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
