Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
