I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
