i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
