I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
from now on my penis is your penis
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
