Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
