making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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