had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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