tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
