I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
