There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
