But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
