i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
