If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
