I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
