I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Too much gin, very little bucket
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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