I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
