worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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