After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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