just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
