So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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