If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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