I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
