"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
