Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
