If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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